Postcard proseIssue 03 | February 2009

As Seen On TV

by S. Diane Wellman

It started with the Auto Hammer, the world’s first one-handed automatic hammer with twenty nails stacked magnetically in the handle, guaranteed to eliminate the worry of hammering your thumb.

Next came the Bug Vacuum with its stylish, extendable nozzle, high-powered suction, and trap door that captured unwanted pests and fried them on a low-voltage grid.

Glen Ann liked a good product.  She liked the surety of knowing something was going to work the way it was supposed to.  The springform pan would spring and form, the Magic Bullet would magically blend.

“Glen Ann?” Walter calls from the living room.  “Where’d you put my fishing encyclopedia?”

Glen Ann rolls pie dough on the kitchen counter with an old RC Cola bottle.

“I wish you’d leave my stuff alone,” she hears Walter grumble.  “Oh, here it is.”

Right where you left it, she says to herself.

“Glen Ann,” Walter calls again, “have you seen my glasses?”

Glen Ann walks from the kitchen to the arched entryway of the living room where Walter lifts pillows off the sofa.  She claps her floury hands, one, two, three and the eyeglasses beep, beep, beep.  Walter follows the sound to the recliner and pulls eyeglasses out of the pocket of his discarded overcoat.

Glen Ann returns to the kitchen satisfied that Clapper Eyewear was money well spent. Outside the window, the snow flies and Glen Ann wants to leave the pie dough and Walter and fly helter skelter through the cold atmosphere, to crystallize in a moment of beauty then melt, natural as a snowflake.

Instead, she preheats the Tappan.  The car keys are in the candy dish, she thinks, the Buick’s in the garage.  I could drive to the ATM and be miles away before the pies start to burn.

About the author

Trips to Hollywood and New York City convinced S. Diane Wellman to become the protagonist in her own story. However, a trip down the aisle can lead to journeys through uncharted territories. Diane recently honeymooned on the pristine banks of Shaver’s Fork in Elkins, West Virginia after returning from a trial honeymoon on Ocracoke Island, North Carolina.

Read our current issue:

Poetry

Two poems by Anne Babson
Vignette, Townhouse, 9 a.m. by Troy Cunio
Night Becomes Day Over the West by Megan Foley
Yukon River Aurora by D. B. Goman
Two Poems by David Havird
Cretan Love Letter by Emily Linstrom
Holland by Rick Mullin
Fear in Kenya by Kristina Pfleegor
The Lounge Lizard by Ed Shacklee
Two Poems by Sarah J. Sloat
Night Flight by Vicki Stannard
Koinonia Farms by Alina Stefanescu
Thessaloniki, Four a.m. by Anastasia Vassos
Imaginary Oceans by Jason Warren
Two Poems by F. J. Williams

Postcard prose

It’s Salty by Kelly Hill

Travel notes

Anchorage in the Great Land by Karen Benning
The Value of Small Money by Megan Hallinan
Screensaver by Sandra Larson
Thirty Cents by Tommy McAree
Gokarna by Kate McCahill
Going Places by Rachel Miller-Howard
Susanville CA: Notes From The Road by Susan Volchok